Dear Auntie Agony,

WELL… there’s this boy that i like but i don’t know if he really likes me back, and he flirts with all the girls at my church. And he shows off all the time! And it’s really annoying…but why does he flirt with girls all the time???? And how do i know if he really likes me???

Ah, the question all girls want to ask – is he just being friendly, or is he being extra-friendly to me? And you know what? It’s hard to tell. I asked my resident expert, a seventeen year old boy. This is what he says:

“Dudes like to talk and flirt with a lot of girls, it’s interesting to them, and we think it’s interesting to you. Plus, when we talk with our own friends, a lot of it is jokey, and playful and poking fun at one another. When we talk with chicks who are our friends, we treat them just like the dudes. But – when we like a girl, we’re more likely to tone things down with her a little. We talk to her a bit more softly, we are more interested in what she has to say.”

Does the boy you like take more time with you? Talk a bit more softly? If so, he might return your interest. If not, he probably thinks of you as one of his friends. Which isn’t all bad, but maybe is a signal for you that it’s time to move on!

“There are three things that are too amazing for me, four that I do not understand:

the way of an eagle in the sky,
the way of a snake on a rock,
the way of a ship on the high seas,
and the way of a man with a maiden.

Proverbs 30:18-19

Dear Auntie Agony,

Well I have this friend, and all she talks about is boys. My dad doesn’t like that and I want to be a true friend, so I tell her don’t talk about it. But she won’t stop. What should I do?

It sounds to me like your friend has just discovered boys, or a particular boy, and like anyone who discovers something new and interesting it’s on her mind all the time. If this is a relatively new change in her life it might just be a phase she’s passing through. You could gently remind her that there are other interesting things in life to talk about and that your friendship is becoming a little boring when you can never chat about anything else.

If she’s been going on about this for a while, and not listening to you, it doesn’t sound like she’s being a very good friend. She’s not respecting the boundaries your dad has set (and good job for having the kind of relationship with your dad that you can talk about these things!). She’s not allowing you to share in the decision about what your discussions are about. She’s being kind of selfish.

Some interest in boys is natural and normal, but sometimes when people are obsessed it takes a blunt statement to get their attention. You might try one more time and tell her, “I know you’re interested in talking about boys all the time, but I’m really not, and my parents are uncomfortable with it. It’s not worth getting in troubled over this. I like our friendship, so when you’re ready to talk about other stuff, too, give me a call.”

Be brave. It’s better for you to tell her the truth straight up before she loses all of her quality friends or heads down a road that leads to nothing but trouble.

The wise are glad to be instructed, but babbling fools fall flat on their faces.
Proverbs 10:8

Dear Auntie Agony,
Last school year my best friend didn’t talk to me for a year and i still have no clue why! And now we just started junior high, and i have tons of classes with her, and she’s acting like nothing happened. What should i do?

In this case, silence isn’t golden, it’s downright confusing! Did you try to talk with her last year to ask why she suddenly cut you out? Was she trying to hang with a new crowd – and you weren’t cool enough? Or was she simply trying to expand her circle of friends to include more than just one person…

A lot of times, as young women grow older; they expand their friendships from one BFF to include a group of people they really like for different reasons. You might have a zany friend, a listening-ear friend, a stand-up-for-me friend, a friend who likes to shop, friends on your sports teams. That’s actually healthier, and happier, than just depending on one person to be it all for you.

Maybe your best friend was feeling like she needed some space and wanted to include others in her group. Or maybe she felt like she got too good for you and wanted a more popular group.

The most important question is what do YOU want to do? It seems like your friend has called all the shots so far – when to stop talking, when to start it up – and now it’s your turn. If you’d like to be friends again, ask her what happened last year. It’s best to talk in person, but if you feel nervous, you could always start by texting and then turn it to a conversation after the ball gets rolling. See what she has to say, and if it makes sense to you, you could take slow steps toward hanging out again.

Maybe you’ve already moved on, found other friends and don’t really feel like being close with her any more. Just respond to her politely and kindly, but then move on to your new friends. Haven’t made any yet? Time to expand that group. Your new circle of fantastic friends might be waiting for you, too. Friendship is a gift from God. Spend time with people YOU like to spend time with, who listen to and care about you and make life fun, not just friends you’re “supposed” to like but who haven’t been very nice.

A bowl of vegetables with someone you love is better than steak with someone you hate.
Proverbs 15:17