Dear Auntie Agony,

Me and a friend got really close through our church last year, and i told her how Christlike i thought her life was. Now, though it seems like she is starting to not be her, rock solid self. like she would never do anything that was wrong, or could be interpreted that way, but now its okay to hang all over guys, and disobey her parents, and use bad language. But then we get to church on Sunday and she is this perfect little, God-following angel who would never hug a guy. And during Wednesday night church she is texting and talking and totally ignoring the message, unless the pastor or our parents are around. I don’t know how to talk to her. I tried but she just blew me off. I don’t want to lose my friendship, but if she keeps doing this, well, it gets annoying…what should I do?

It’s really hard to see the clay, not-so-pretty feet of someone that you like a lot – and used to admire. Is she going through a period where she’s unsure of herself and is trying to figure out who she is by pushing some limits? Or maybe this is the “real” girl who has been there – hidden – all along? She’s inconsiderate and maybe a little hypocritical since she’s acting one way in front of her friends and another in front of adults. It’s hard to see someone you used to look up to behaving in a way that doesn’t make her shine.

So…maybe it’s YOUR turn to be Christlike & rock solid – what do you say? Your friend was a good example to you and now you can be one to her. YOU listen to the message, and hang a bit more tightly with people who are acting respectfully, but still like regular teenagers. Talk with guys but don’t hang on them if she is. Confront her honestly but gently about how she’s changed, but if she blows you off again, then let her go. If you’re uncomfortable hanging with her and her current behavior put a little distance between the two of you and use the opportunity to know some of the other girls/guys at church.

Find a project to work on that doesn’t include her. Move a little closer to a new group. If she’s truly your friend, she’ll come back and want to spend time together which might include that honest but gentle discussion. If she doesn’t, maybe it was a friendship for a season, a season that has passed. Friendships are meant to feel good to both people. If it’s not feeling like that to you any more, time to move on.

Follow my example as I follow the example of Christ. 1 Corinthians 11:1