Dear Aunt Agony,
I am 13 and almost identical to my cousin, but am a few inches taller (Like 5 or 6). She seems to get all of the boys, I am taller then almost all of the guys at our Middle School. I like this guy and I want to know if guys are intimidated by my height?

You have the same problem that a lot of tall girls do – especially at your age. At 13, you’ve already had your major growth spurt while most of the guys your age, and even those a few years older, have not. While some boys may be intimidated by taller girls you have to think of all the benefits you’re getting. You’ll have beautiful long legs and can wear jeans that won’t need to be hemmed and still look good with flip flops. More styles of clothes will be open to you. Everyone has some outstanding features, whether they are beautiful eyes, silky hair, smooth skin, long legs, or pretty hands. But not everyone has the same features! And not every guy will be attracted to the same girls, just like you don’t find every boy equally interesting. Don’t worry about intimidating guys. There is more to you than what’s on the outside, there’s the whole you – inside and out. You’ll find someone who appreciates you for just who you are and won’t take a second look at your cousin!

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 134:19a

Dear Auntie Agony,

WELL… there’s this boy that i like but i don’t know if he really likes me back, and he flirts with all the girls at my church. And he shows off all the time! And it’s really annoying…but why does he flirt with girls all the time???? And how do i know if he really likes me???

Ah, the question all girls want to ask – is he just being friendly, or is he being extra-friendly to me? And you know what? It’s hard to tell. I asked my resident expert, a seventeen year old boy. This is what he says:

“Dudes like to talk and flirt with a lot of girls, it’s interesting to them, and we think it’s interesting to you. Plus, when we talk with our own friends, a lot of it is jokey, and playful and poking fun at one another. When we talk with chicks who are our friends, we treat them just like the dudes. But – when we like a girl, we’re more likely to tone things down with her a little. We talk to her a bit more softly, we are more interested in what she has to say.”

Does the boy you like take more time with you? Talk a bit more softly? If so, he might return your interest. If not, he probably thinks of you as one of his friends. Which isn’t all bad, but maybe is a signal for you that it’s time to move on!

“There are three things that are too amazing for me, four that I do not understand:

the way of an eagle in the sky,
the way of a snake on a rock,
the way of a ship on the high seas,
and the way of a man with a maiden.

Proverbs 30:18-19

Dear Auntie Agony,

Well I have this friend, and all she talks about is boys. My dad doesn’t like that and I want to be a true friend, so I tell her don’t talk about it. But she won’t stop. What should I do?

It sounds to me like your friend has just discovered boys, or a particular boy, and like anyone who discovers something new and interesting it’s on her mind all the time. If this is a relatively new change in her life it might just be a phase she’s passing through. You could gently remind her that there are other interesting things in life to talk about and that your friendship is becoming a little boring when you can never chat about anything else.

If she’s been going on about this for a while, and not listening to you, it doesn’t sound like she’s being a very good friend. She’s not respecting the boundaries your dad has set (and good job for having the kind of relationship with your dad that you can talk about these things!). She’s not allowing you to share in the decision about what your discussions are about. She’s being kind of selfish.

Some interest in boys is natural and normal, but sometimes when people are obsessed it takes a blunt statement to get their attention. You might try one more time and tell her, “I know you’re interested in talking about boys all the time, but I’m really not, and my parents are uncomfortable with it. It’s not worth getting in troubled over this. I like our friendship, so when you’re ready to talk about other stuff, too, give me a call.”

Be brave. It’s better for you to tell her the truth straight up before she loses all of her quality friends or heads down a road that leads to nothing but trouble.

The wise are glad to be instructed, but babbling fools fall flat on their faces.
Proverbs 10:8