Dear Auntie Agony,

I have a problem with the other girls in my class. We’re friends but we often fight over silly stuff like who gets to be in charge of our plans for our group. Why can’t everyone just take turns?

Preschoolers have to learn to take turns. They’re grabby, they cut in line, they play with a toy a long time even if someone is waiting. Usually a teacher or parent steps in to make them share.

When kids are older, like you are, being selfish isn’t so obvious. It’s being left out because you didn’t play by the leader’s unspoken rules. Someone takes the best prize at a party. People pout and punish when their ideas aren’t followed. The adults around you see less, because selfishness is happening under the surface. Plus you’re not supervised as much. But this allows you to make Christ-like choices rather than being forced to by an adult,

Christianity is the upside-down faith. The world says, “Get as much as you can.” Jesus says, “Give away your coat.” The world says, “Keep away from unpopulars.” Jesus says, “Visit the sick and those in prison.” The world says, “Get your turn.” Jesus says, “Those who are first will be last.”

Within your group of friends, try leading upside down. Let others choose the game. Sit quietly until you are asked what you’d like. Go to the back; take the smallest prize. Encourage those around you. You’ll be surprised. When you stop looking after yourself and are interested in others, many people will rally around to be interested in you! Think of it like a snow globe. When it’s right-side up, it looks okay. When you turn it upside down and shake it, you can see beautiful things you didn’t see before.

Everyone who makes himself great will be made humble.
But the person who makes himself humble will be made great.

Luke 14:11

Dear Auntie Agony,

How do you know if someone is a true friend?

In this world, everyone wants to “look out for number one,” meaning themselves. It’s hard to tell who is a true friend and who is a false friend. Smart girls like you start by considering a few friendship facts:

1. Not all friends need to be equal friends. Some friends are really “acquaintances,” people we see from time to time, people we like but who really aren’t involved in our lives. It’s okay to have lots of acquaintances. In fact, if you try to make all of your acquaintances your friends, you soon won’t have enough time for real friends!
2. Not all friends are good friends. Friends who try to control you, friends who boss you around, and friends who backstab you really aren’t friends. Sometimes we know that in our hearts, but we don’t want to face it. Don’t be afraid to leave bad friendships. God will replace them with good friendships.
3. Real friends will allow you to put them first sometimes, but they will also put you first sometimes. Like a teeter-totter! Sometimes you’re up when they are down. You give them a push, and for a while, you’re balanced. Sometimes they’re up when you’re down. They’ll give you a push, and then you’re balanced for a while. Real friendships are equal friendships. They both help and allow you to help.

In the Bible, Job had many problems. His livestock and servants were stolen and burned – kind of like losing your whole business in a fire with no fire insurance. His house was destroyed. His children died. Job got very sick. He did have some friends, though. Now, his friends didn’t do and say everything right. But they were good friends. They left their own homes and businesses to be with a friend who was sad and in trouble. They focused on Job when he was down and needed them. They comforted him. They stayed with him. Sometimes they reminded Job of God’s goodness and power. When Job was down, they pushed him back up again! The Bible doesn’t tell us if Job did the same for them, but his character showed that he honored God and others. That is a true friend.

Now Job had three friends … These friends heard about the troubles that had happened to Job. So they agreed to meet and go see Job. They wanted to show him they were upset for him, too. And they wanted to comfort him.

Job 2:11

Dear Auntie Agony,

I know I shouldn’t say “Oh my God” but is it ok to text “OMG” since I’m not typing out “God?”

Names are really important. They represent the person or thing that carries the name. One of the ways God showed Adam that He was giving Adam authority and power was by allowing Adam to name the animals. It was an important task.

When you get a new pet, a lot of thought goes into the name. Whenever I write a book, I give a lot of thought to naming the characters. One time I wanted to name the mean girl in a book Shayla. Why? Because when I was a girl, I knew a really mean person named Shayla. To me the name Shayla meant mean. When I want to name a kind character, I often choose a name that reminds me of kindness.

God is the “most” of everything good – most powerful, most kind, most wise. His name represents Him, too. The Bible tells us that Jesus is the name above all names. Why? Because Jesus is the One above all others. There is a power in the name of God. Like anything else with power, we don’t want to misuse it. God deserves all of our respect. Like anyone else’s name, God’s name represents Him. We don’t want to misuse it, either.

How can you misuse God’s name? Anytime you use the name of God or Jesus without talking respectfully to or about Him, you’re misusing His name. Saying “Oh my God” or texting “OMG” is not calling upon God. It’s misusing His name to show amazement. And even though in a text you aren’t typing out “God” it’s understood what the “G” stands for. Most people who say “Oh My God” or text “OMG” — don’t really understand what they’re doing. They’re just using them out of habit or because everyone else does it. We shouldn’t judge those people or think unkindly toward them, but we can set a good example. You can certainly say “incredible,” or text “wow” with just as much effect. “Wow” even has the same number of letters and you won’t be thoughtlessly misusing the name of the One you love.

You must not use the name of the Lord your God thoughtlessly. The Lord will punish anyone who is guilty and misuses his name.

Exodus 20:7

Dear Auntie Agony,

Whenever I get money, I want to spend it all right away. And most of the time I do, but then I’m mad that I don’t have money later. What should I do?

There are so many good things to do and buy and give to in the world we live in. It reminds me of a Chinese restaurant I once went to. There were 150 items on the menu. I had the hardest time deciding on just one thing to order – and then I wondered if I’d chosen well. I don’t like to have too many choices. It confuses me – or makes me overeat!

That’s how it is when you get money. Suddenly you realize how many things you’d like to buy or do or give, but you can’t have everything on the menu. Here’s a system that will work.

First, get three containers. These can be plastic food storage containers, sandwich bags, or jars with lids. On one write, “Buy now!” On the second write, “Buy Later!” On the third write “For the Lord!” From now on, whenever you get money, divide it between those three containers. If you need advice on how to divide up the money, talk to your parents about how much you should put in each container. Maybe it will be a percentage that you use every time. Or maybe you’ll want to give up your “Buy Now!” money for a time, putting it towards the Thanksgiving fundraiser for the homeless, or that cool jacket you want for the first day of school.

Whenever you put money in all three jars, you’ll get three great feelings. First, you’ll get the fun of having mad cash to spend whenever and on whatever. Second, you’ll get the pleasure of looking forward to buying something you need to save for. And third, you’ll have the joy of giving something to God, by giving to the people He loves.

The wise man saves for the future, but the foolish man spends whatever he gets. Proverbs 21:20 TLB

Dear Auntie Agony,

Several people at my church were baptized last Sunday. Why do people get baptized anyway?

When I got married, I stood before a hundred people who knew me and my husband, and I said important things. I said that I would love and honor my husband-to-be and that I would not be interested in any other men from then on. I would be set aside only for him. My old single life was over – my married life was now beginning. My husband said that he would love and take care of me and would not be interested in any other women from then on. He would be set aside only for me. Everyone in the room heard us make those promises. When the going gets tough and I’m angry with my husband or he is angry with me, we remember those vows and we keep them.

In the same way, when you are baptized in front of people, you are telling them that your old life as a non-Christian is over and your new life as a Christian is beginning. You make a statement in front of all of the people there and in front of God that you are beginning a new life, making promises to live as a Christian, even when you’re mad or angry or confused. It’s a public promise, a public celebration, and the way to show just what is most important in your life. Some people are baptized as babies – if so, their parents promise to raise them as Christians until the babies grow into people old enough to make their own decision for Christ.

Because baptism is so important, Jesus commanded his disciples to baptize other believers. Baptism is one way to honor Him and show others around you whom your life is centered on.

Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit.
Matthew 28:19 NLT

Dear Auntie Agony,

It seems like my parents are always telling me what to do. Do I always have to do what they want?

Have you ever read the story of Queen Esther in the Bible – or seen the movie made popular by Veggie Tales or the movie One Night With the King? Esther married a king named Xerxes. Xerxes had another queen first, but that queen did not honor him or his requests, so he sent her away and probably had her killed! The law of the land was that everyone, even the king’s wife, must honor him and do as he asked. When it came time for the king to choose another wife, he chose Esther. Esther was beautiful, kind and godly. But even though Esther was queen, she knew that she must respect the rules of those in authority over her. That would be the king, who was also her husband.

Because of the schemes of an evil man, all of the Jewish people in Xerxes’ kingdom were to be killed. The Jewish people begged Esther, who was also Jewish, to go to the king and save them. Because Esther had shown honor and respect to her husband and his rules, he was willing to listen to her request. She asked what she wanted and saved her people from death.

So what’s the point? Dishonor your parents and get sent away to be killed? Respect your parents and become a queen? No! Ha ha! But if you show respect for those in authority over you and live your life showing honor to them and their rules, while you are still young, even if you disagree from time to time they will be willing to listen to your point of view. And perhaps even change their minds! Sometimes parents are busy and say no too quickly, or they might not realize your desires or how much something means to you. They will be more likely to reconsider and treat your thoughts with respect if you honor and obey at other times. Sometimes they answer is still going to be no, because it’s what’s best for you.

Try this three-step plan:

1. Agree to obey. “Yes, I’ll do what you tell me.”
2. Ask to present your point of view. “May I first tell you what I’m thinking?”
3. Give your point of view, with respect, and then obey, even if they don’t change their minds. “Thanks for listening. I’ll do whatever you decide.”

Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do. Ephesians 6:1a NLT

I have some friends and they have been teasing me because I go to church every Wednesday and Sunday, (my dad is a pastor) I also get teased because my dad is a pastor, but I love him and his job so what should I do?

It’s hard when people you count on as friends don’t seem very friendly themselves. Teasing is hard to pin down: sometimes people tease in a kidding, loving way with people they are comfortable with. Sometimes when people tease it’s really bullying in disguise. Do these friends normally treat you with respect – or not?

The Bible tells us that when we have a problem, we should bring it up privately and respectfully. Tell your friends, “When you make fun of me for going to church and because my dad is a pastor, it bothers me. I know you wouldn’t want to hurt my feelings so I wanted to let you know.”  See how they handle it. They may apologize, and/or they may simply treat you more kindly, which is cool. If they keep the harsh teasing up, though, it’s time to end the relationship. God never tells us to stay in bullying or abusive situations. Their reaction will show you if they are truly your friends.

One important thing to keep in mind: our value does not depend on what other people think of us. Our great value is in what God thinks of us. And His love never fails.

Always be ready to answer everyone who asks you to explain about the hope you have. But answer in a gentle way and with respect. Always feel that you are doing right. The those who speak evil of your good life in Christ will be made ashamed.

1 Peter 3:15B – 16

Dear Auntie Agony,

I never get my homework done on time.
What can I do?

A couple of years ago my family went to watch a couple of performers called, The Gentleman Jugglers. They’d been best friends and business partners for a long time. They started their act by tossing one ball into the air, then two, then three, till they’d worked up to six or seven balls. When it became too much, they’d toss one of their balls to their friend, the other Gentleman Juggler, or set it aside for a while. They’d only perform with as many balls as they could control.

Maybe all of the many things in your life are like those balls. Homework, free time, family, time with God, time with friends, sports or music, church events, all take up time. But even if they’re all really good things, you may have added too many balls to your juggling act. At some point, they all might come crashing down. If you don’t get your homework done on time you’re giving too much time to one or more of the others and not enough to school work. Sit down and list out how much time you spend on each activity during the week, including time on the computer (not doing work, but socializing), texting, watching tv, and all of your other activities. Figure out which ball you might need to toss to a friend or set aside for a while till you get it all under control. Be honest! This is one place where you really can say, I need to get my act together!

Work hard and become a leader…Proverbs 12:24a

Dear Auntie Agony,

I’m homeschooled, but I’d really like to go to public school for a couple of years. But my parents say no. What can I do?

Believe it or not, I get letters from kids in public and Christian school who want to be homeschooled, from kids at Christian school who want to go to public school, public school kids who want to try private school, and every other option you can imagine. Why? Most of the time everyone has really legitimate concerns, but they also often think that “the grass is greener on the other side of the fence.”

Families take a lot of things into consideration when they decide how and where to school their kids: the strengths and weaknesses of the schooling options, their kids’ individual personalities, their financial situation, their neighborhood, their family goals, etc. Each schooling option has strengths and weaknesses, each family and child has strengths and weaknesses. Parents try to make the best match they can, knowing all of the above.

Can you ask your parents to explain exactly why they homeschool you? And then can you openly share what you think you’re missing? They might be more open to a change than you think, if everyone can sit down and talk it through together. Or maybe they’ll come up with a solution that solves your problem or concern while keeping your schooling in place. There is no perfect schooling option, and yesterday or today’s option might not be the best one for tomorrow. The most important thing is to keep the lines of communication open as time goes on, and work to be satisfied with the solutions you all find.

I have learned to be satisfied with the things I have and with everything that happens. Philippians 4:11b

Dear Aunt Agony,
I am 13 and almost identical to my cousin, but am a few inches taller (Like 5 or 6). She seems to get all of the boys, I am taller then almost all of the guys at our Middle School. I like this guy and I want to know if guys are intimidated by my height?

You have the same problem that a lot of tall girls do – especially at your age. At 13, you’ve already had your major growth spurt while most of the guys your age, and even those a few years older, have not. While some boys may be intimidated by taller girls you have to think of all the benefits you’re getting. You’ll have beautiful long legs and can wear jeans that won’t need to be hemmed and still look good with flip flops. More styles of clothes will be open to you. Everyone has some outstanding features, whether they are beautiful eyes, silky hair, smooth skin, long legs, or pretty hands. But not everyone has the same features! And not every guy will be attracted to the same girls, just like you don’t find every boy equally interesting. Don’t worry about intimidating guys. There is more to you than what’s on the outside, there’s the whole you – inside and out. You’ll find someone who appreciates you for just who you are and won’t take a second look at your cousin!

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 134:19a